Sponge bath it is.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
