need another drink. this is the easiest way
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
