You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
