please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
