she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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