ya dads aren't the best wingmen
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
