Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
