Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
