we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
