hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
