The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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