her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
