i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
