this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
