we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
