But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
