If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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