My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
