Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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