What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
