Someone shit on the floor
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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