ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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