My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
