she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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