I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
