Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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