Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
