Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
