"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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