..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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