allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
