I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
