Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
