I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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