btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
