I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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