i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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