ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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