Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
