I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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