why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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