Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
