I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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