u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
