so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
