Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
