Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
