why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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