I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
