she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
