my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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