You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
